Joen laughs ...

Sup!

2012-02-12T18:41:00.001+08:00

Well, In the end, my gig got cancelled cos apparently the event organisers found another band who'll play for free, but I've just been asked by the same band if I wanna play for them at a NUS organised music competition called "Stardust". Hope it'll go swell :)

Meanwhile, here's a cover of the song that's been stuck in my head recently :)

Big break

2012-02-05T15:40:00.002+08:00

Pretty stoked about the opportunity to play for my friend's band as their bassist for an hour-long gig at club 98 on 18th Feb. Their normal bassist can't make it for some reason. Not sure where club 98 is but I hear its at marina mandarin! Exactly the kinda thing I was sorta dreaming about doing when I first started out bass-ing. Gonna be pretty awesome! :)

2012-02-04T18:34:00.000+08:00

2012-02-01T21:33:00.001+08:00

2012-01-25T01:03:00.000+08:00

Take a bite of my heart tonight :P

2012-01-25T00:06:00.001+08:00

Even when I walk through the valley of the shadow of death

Your PERFECT LOVE is casting out fears

Notes from a disillusioned Arsenal fan

2012-01-23T08:48:00.006+08:00

Arsene on Arshavin coming on for Oxlade-Chamberlain and giving away the goal:

"I can understand that the fans are upset about the substitution, especially when it doesn’t work, but I made the right decision at the start of the game [in starting Oxlade-Chamberlain]."
(Once again focusing on the small little things he did right and not admitting his mistakes...)

"We lose together and we win together, and now you want me to blame one player? I won’t do that. About the player, I am not completely sure. It could have happened if [Oxlade-Chamberlain] stayed on."
(Once again, leaping to the defence of Arshavin, refusing to admit he is completely utterly useless, and to make things worse, he insults the player who created a goal for his team in the process...probably his best player for the match...)

How will he ever learn like this????

COME ON!!! JUST SACK ARSENE WENGER ALREADY!!!!

30 Seconds to Mars - The Kill

2012-01-15T21:42:00.001+08:00

Come break me down

Marry me, Bury me

I am finished with you

2 covers on New Year's Day!! :)

2012-01-02T00:29:00.002+08:00

Attack - 30 seconds to mars

Hosanna (Praise Is Rising) - Paul Baloche

Thank you God! :D

2011-12-21T00:30:00.005+08:00

My first uni results were revealed today, and boy was I nervous as hell!

Couldn't really sleep...slept at 1am, woke up at 2am, checked my phone, went back to sleep. Again at 4am, again at 5am, again at 5.30am, and again at 6am. From 6am I couldn't sleep at all...just couldn't wait...until...

At about 7.15, my phone vibrated, and I saw the sender...NUS...

My heart started racing...and I braced myself for the worst.

Just so we're clear...I would've been satisfied with anything above 3.5 actually! I told myself that whatever comes is God's will and I will be contented with it.

Ok now we're back...I open the msg and saw my grades one by one...and my CAP was...4.25!!! :D

Here's a brief summary of my grades:
CE2409 - A
MA1505 - A-
ESE1001 - B+
PC1431 - B
FME1011 - CS (Auto S/U mod :))

Couldn't believe it! Was super stunned!

God really worked a huge miracle through this results and I rly am thankful for such unexpected grades! Praise the Lord! :)

Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Rosewater Memories

2011-12-17T00:03:00.001+08:00

Rosewater Memories

You’d ask me what I’ve done for you
And I’ll list maybe a thing or two
Before you cut me off and say that’s not enough

Well I’d think about what we’ve been through
And those rings and shoes I bought for you
Well maybe time and things just isn’t love

You’re just a little bit swept me off my feet
With a little bit left me in a ditch
Now I’m looking on the flipsides of the things that I should say
I’m just a little bit tired of seeing your face
With a little hint that you wouldn’t stay
But I can’t bear to throw these rosewater memories away

It’s been weeks since we last trashed it out
And I’d thought that we could work this out
Then you went and told me that you had enough

And what was I supposed to do
But agree to disagree with you
While I was still attached to loving you

You’re just a little bit swept me off my feet
With a little bit left me in a ditch
Now I’m looking on the flipsides of the things that I should say
I’m just a little bit tired of seeing your face
With a little hint that you wouldn’t stay
But I can’t bear to throw these rosewater memories away

Gotta Be Somebody

2011-11-27T22:28:00.002+08:00

"Nobody wants to be the last one there,
Everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
Gotta be somebody for me like that..."

If you wanted a song written about you, all you had to do was ask

2011-11-21T00:17:00.003+08:00

You dropped a note and we changed key,

You changed yourself and I changed me

I really didn't see us singing through this

You screamed the bridge and I cried the verse

And our chorus came out unrehearsed

And you smiled the whole way through it

I'm guessin' maybe that's what's worse...

some thoughts...

2011-11-18T23:46:00.003+08:00

When you meet the right person, you know it.

You can't stop thinking about them, they're your best friend, and your soulmate.

You can't wait to spend the rest of your life with them, no one and nothing else can compare...

Hmm...got this off How I Met Your Mother...s07e10...

Well, these couple of lines, made me think a lot about...well...everything again...It's like when they flashed back the times Robin and Barney had, the same thing happened to me...

I remember I had the exact same feeling about every single thing said in these few lines...and at the end of the episode, Barney realises Robin just doesn't feel the same way somehow...And it just hit me, how strikingly similar I was to Barney in this situation...we just gotta suck our thumbs and move on with life...

I may be over everything already, but after watching this episode made me think about everything again and reminded me of how screwed up the world is in this way, that we can feel that something is meant to be, but then it never happens...

Lesson learnt? Like I said before, I shall never trust these feelings anymore...Cos when these feelings are cheated, it hurts wayyyy too much to handle...

But don't worry about me, I'm fine, just sharing some of my thoughts. :)

Hallucin (Rough Take)

2011-11-18T00:49:00.001+08:00

Hallucin by Jonathan Chow

Still very much a rough take of the song...Planning to do a proper recording of it in december :)

These broken pieces, shattered from what used to be my past
And I could choose to put them back, I’d rather they be cast
Into the fire, kept away for eternity
For the moments that would re-ignite my dreams

These dreams I’ve thrown away in hope for a better life
I said I’d never bring you back, well that’s a lie
Tell me what I’ve gotta do, take me there
And I’ll do everything I could, it’s my last chance

Don’t hate me, I’m barely breathing
I just want to do this thing before I die
Can’t stop me, I’ll keep fighting
I just want to do this thing before I die

Getting right back on my feet, yeah it’s been quite a while
I’ve been hanging by a thread, but I’m climbing up
I don’t need nobody’s help, I’m moving out
Seen these walls of trust before, they crumble down

Don’t hate me, I’m barely breathing
I just want to do this thing before I die
Can’t stop me, I’ll keep fighting
I just want to do this thing before I die

One good motive (I wanna get this right)
One good reason (I wanna live it right)
One good problem (I’ve said this once before)
One bad audience (You’re gonna watch me)

Synchronize

2011-11-18T00:46:00.001+08:00

Angel With a Shotgun

2011-11-10T01:02:00.002+08:00

They say before you start a war

You better know what you're fighting for...

Aftermath

2011-11-04T02:00:00.001+08:00

Wanna scream out

No more hiding

Don't be afraid of what's inside

When you see my friends

2011-10-30T02:05:00.001+08:00

When you see my friends, tell them Hi for me

Tell them what you think about the way you handled everything

You turned and all you left me with was this broken key

Tell me what you think...

2011-10-22T01:06:00.000+08:00

Uploaded my open mic performance on fb! Here's the link :)
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10150336749931538&cmntid=10150336897506538&ref=notif¬if_t=comment_mention

Oh Well Oh Well

2011-10-17T22:46:00.001+08:00

When you're alone, do you think of me

Like diamond rings, thrown out to sea...

OUR TIME IS RUNNING OUT!!!!!!!!

2011-10-17T22:44:00.003+08:00

Bury It, Won't let you bury it

Won't let you smother it, won't let you murder it...

Feel Good Drag

2011-10-16T16:14:00.001+08:00

Was this over before, before it ever began?

The Last Dinner

2011-10-10T23:43:00.003+08:00

Hey! I know it's dam weird to be sharing a canto song, but it's super nice and emo!

Came to know about it cos Edmund wanted me to play bass for him for open mic and he wants to sing this song!! The lyrics are super sad...had it translated on google hahaha! Anw this music video sort of sums it up...its the first scene of UP! so touching...enjoy!!! :)

Wad's special about my 21st birthday :)

2011-10-08T23:12:00.004+08:00

Hi everyone! Just wanted to thank everyone who's wished me today!!

I may choose to remember this birthday as wrecked by food poisoning, headaches, vomiting and such that's happened to me today...BUT I'd rather remember it for how it's showed me the many awesome friends i have who showed a lot of care and concern for my illness today! Rly thanks alot for all your sincere msges!

Special thanks to Move It-Nerdy for the cake and the present! And for staying with me til my dad came! Thanks to my dad who was the first to wish me and give me a present this morning and came to drive me home when i was sick. And thanks to my many ESE friends who sang the birthday song for me!

I guess that's what's rly special about this 21st birthday, not about the number 21, it doesn't mean anything to me, but cos it's rly showed me who my true friends are, the ones that rly care about me :)

Honestly, I'm not rly one for birthdays, because not just today, but everyday should be a celebration of life! And I am rly thankful that everyday I have the most awesome friends in the world :)

Sorry for making u read this long msg, just wanted to show my appreciation to all of you! God bless everyone! :)

9 crimes

2011-10-04T11:27:00.000+08:00

Is that alright?

To give my gun away when it's loaded

Is that alright?

If you don't shoot it how am I supposed to hold it...

Nevermind I'll find, someone like you...

2011-09-23T01:31:00.001+08:00

:)

2011-09-20T01:49:00.002+08:00

I'm glad that went by pretty well! I hope...haha...

Lol, that tune that used to come on when you made a call to certain friends just rang in my head! Call it annoying, but it gives me a hope that everyone can be friends :)

I know that we can all be friends

I know that this will never end

I know that we can all be friends...

I got the message that you sent

I think I know just what you meant

I know that we can all be friends

I KNOW THAT WE CAN ALL BE FRIENDS!!!

WE CAN BE FRIENDS!!! :)

Memory Eraser

2011-09-04T23:30:00.001+08:00

Need one badly...Wish I could just return to being that lonely dorky kid I used to be and never changed...

Months...

2011-09-02T00:00:00.000+08:00

Still thinking abt it...

Reminisce

2011-08-20T09:56:00.002+08:00

It's funny how much things have changed over the last half a year...looking back at everything, looking back at all my pics over this period of time, I dare say that I've rly grown so much. I've experienced the feeling of rejection by the one you love, I probably made more friends than I ever did in my life, I've written a couple of songs, gone for vocal and bass lessons that have brought me quite a long way from since I started, I've won a camp pageant, won a camp best freshie.

I'm still pretty much the same guy, but with a different attitude.

I'm contented with whatever life throws in my way, and will make it count a 100%. If I'm in school studying and feeling the stress, I'm contented. If I'm having fun in camps, I'm contented. If I get thrown away, I'm contented. Because you never know what God has planned for you next!

With regards to relationship, gone is the hopeless romantic who was in love with loving someone. I'm done with that. If there was anything I've learnt from all this, it's that though a relationship may be perfect for a long time, she'll just change her mind suddenly, and within a short time, everything's gone, and I'll be left close to irreparable. So from now on, I'm gonna give squat to relationships. If a girl tells me she likes me, so be it, cos it will all change sooner or later. There might be a chance I'll meet that girl that will never change her mind, but if anything's meant to happen, I guess it will...

As of now, I'm a free single dude. All I want now is to stay close to God and mug and have fun :)

Invasion of privacy?!?! Please

2011-08-16T00:30:00.003+08:00

And you wanna talk to me about not knowing what is private? What about you coming into my room without first knocking most of the time and telling me what I should do with the way I live?!

And well I think I can handle it if I know I'm tired dammit...I've been studying the entire day and the entire Sunday...I think I can handle it if I just take some time to unwind with TV shows and solitaire for a while...You can't even let me do that? Geez...seems kinda like a dictator that only knows the first 5 words of "all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy"...

seriously...

2011-08-16T00:06:00.004+08:00

It's almost as if you DON'T want to be close to your son...you DON'T want your son to learn how to live by himself, you DON'T want your son to build his own damn life...I appreciate the advice and all, but I DON'T appreciate you telling me what to do...that's my damn point...

"Let me live my own life, I don't need your nagging thanks very much"

Such a vague message...how am I posting anything private like that? How is that an inappropriate thing to say on the internet? How does this have implications on anyone's privacy? Am I not allowed to express my own feelings on my own profile page? Believe me, this was already very very sugarcoated...

Jesus We Give You Control

2011-08-15T22:16:00.001+08:00

This is a new song I wrote recently after being touched by a sermon in church. Felt God moving me to write a song about releasing control over our lives and surrendering all we have to him. Hope you enjoy it! :)

JESUS, WE GIVE YOU CONTROL
Verse 1:
Join the fight, for His kingdom
So many lives that need to hear
Of your unfailing love, pouring from above
Nothing could be better than fighting for You

Chorus:
Jesus, we give you control
This life we no longer own
Because you died we are free
Free from the clutches of sin
You filled our hearts with this joy
This passion burning for you
You bought our lives with your blood
Jesus, we give you control...we give you control...

Verse 2:
Join the fight, for His glory
Worthless cycles, that need to end
We put aside our will, and cast away our fears
Nothing could be better, we're fighting for You

(Chorus)

Bridge:
Let us unite
Give of our lives
As a sacrifice to the one who died and rose again
Let us unite
Give of our lives
As a sacrifice to the one who died and rose again for us

Argh...

2011-08-11T22:54:00.001+08:00

Why can't I seem to be able to get over it...

Time will heal?

2011-08-02T23:23:00.003+08:00

Well...I rly dunno why the feeling's back again...I'm still overcome with grief...When can I be able to fully get over this?!

Rolling in the Deep :P

2011-07-12T23:37:00.001+08:00

I dun usually cover songs like that, but decided, it's a nice song, let's cover it! :)

Camp XOXO (Part 2)

2011-07-11T04:23:00.006+08:00

Hello! This is a continuation from the previous post...Right, so where was I...

O Yes! Finale Night...I'm gonna post many many pics as well! But I have no idea how to make the pics fit into the column, so bear with the weird sizing for now k? :P

So 10 minutes before Finale Night began, I was sitting with my OG happily going about one of our usual talk cock sessions while the MCs had already started talking, when suddenly, our Just Dance house head Clovis came to our OG and said "Hey who's the pageant guy and best freshie arh?" We told him we had no idea cos we weren't told...I knew that my OG had nominated me to represent the house in the pageant but I thought that since no one told me I was participating, they had selected someone else...After all, I'm not that good looking...

Then Clovis checked his phone and said "OK, pageant is Jonathan Chow"...

I was like...CRAP...I wasn't ready for this at all!!!

I was rushed to where all the other pageant contestants were waiting to go on stage, and I met up with my pageant partner from Just Dance, Shalinee.

I took one look at all the other pageant guys and I felt super out of place...All of them knew either the day before or that morning, so during the city hunt activity they had gone home to get their best outfits...Blazers, formal long sleeve shirt, formal pants, formal shoes...

Me? I was in a folded sleeve green shirt, with jeans, and best of all, I was wearing my running shoes...WHAT THE HELL...Here's a pic of all of us before the pageant...

So I told myself, and my pageant partner, "Let's just have some fun with this!"

And so we did a lot of crazy things. First up was the introduction and saying why we should win the pageant. We went all out and I think we were the only couple to answer and introduce each other.

Then there was this game where I had to free my partner who has been tied to a chair, which we won!

I was actually stuck at her hands for a while but then when I had given up and went over to her legs to untie them first, she had slipped her hands out of the string! Her legs weren't hard to untie cos the knot was quite loose, so, ta-da! WE WON!

Then came the Q and A part...We were given our questions before we went up on stage a second time and my question was "If you were to take your partner out on a date, where would it be and what would you do?" My partner gave me a brilliant idea, and I worked on it. I went over to my OG and told Edmund, my councillor and OGL from engin camp, "i'm gonna end my answer later with the word "HOT", so you know what to do arh..."

Then I went up and when my turn came my I answered..."I'll bring her to a hot spa, she'll be looking hot in her bikini, I'll be flashing my abs in my board shorts" At this point, a couple of people started screaming "Show us your abs!" And I was like "Seriously arh?" Then they started chanting and I just told myself "ah what the hell", and in the most sexy way I could make it to be, I flashed my abs...and there's a freaking pic on facebook...

Yea...still couldn't believe I did that...

And I went on after that to say "We'll spend some time getting to know each other in the spa while getting steamy and hot".

At this point Edmund stood up and shouted "HOT!" then my OG continued the Choco Boys hot cheer, with me doing it on stage! HAHA! It was so awesome!

After our turn was done, I looked at my pageant and said, "I can't believe what I just did...I'm not usually like that..."

HAHA...

And then came the house performance, where we had to act out a scene with the theme "rumour has it". I'm not going to talk much about it, but here are some pics of our skit. Basically, it was revolving around the Choco Boys Hot cheer again. Me and CK acted out various "Hot" scenes and started doing the "Hot" thing.

CK just before 'fainting' after being used as a pole by "strippers" Hafiy and ZhenHong, with his "gf", Jaylen, looking on helplessly.

Me performing CPR on CK after he fainted...HOT!

Me accidentally walking into CK while he was picking up his wallet...HOT!

That's Beri HOT! That's Beri HOT!

Me and CK dancing off stage after being splashed by the girls...(they didn't hold back!!!)

House cheer to end off the skit :)

We eventually won the House performance!!! And then came the pageant winners announcement.

So there we were standing on stage...

MC: So who do you think is our pageant winner?

My super enthu OG, MOVE IT: JONATHAN! JONATHAN! JONATHAN!...

MC: Your pageant king is...JONATHAN!

I was super stunned lah! I didn't even hear the MC because my OG was shouting too loud already! haha! And the prize was a HTC Wildfire S! Thanks so much to my OG for supporting me throughout the whole pageant thing til they lost their voices!

My winning shot (and new profile pic!)

Sadly, my pageant partner, Shalinee, didn't win pageant queen...I still think she deserved it more than whoever won it...I think it's just cos the judges didn't want to give too many prizes to Just Dance, after all, we had already won so many prizes! But she was rly sporting about it. I owe her a treat for helping me win this! Haha!

Haha! O yeah, mine wasn't the only HTC for Move It and Nerdy!

CK for "Just Dance" House Best Freshie!! :)

Hafiy for Running Man MVP! :)

So we, from Engin Camp's "Nerdy" OG and CAC Camp's "Move It" OG, won 3 out of the 8 phones up for grabs at the CAC camp! Unfortunately Zhenhong couldn't win anything else cos out of the other 5 phones, 3 were for other houses' best freshies, 1 was for pageant queen, and 1 was for best councillor...but he did win a girl ;) muahahahaha...

O yeah, and so sad Edmund didn't win best councillor...but in our hearts, we know that he is the best councillor and best OGL ever!!! We wouldn't have won all these HTCs cos of him! :)

I'm so gonna miss CAC camp! But I do hope that Move It can continue to remain close, much like Nerdy has, and maybe some day the 2 groups can be integrated to become one group!

MOVE IT NERDIES! :)

XOXO! :)

2011-07-08T10:01:00.002+08:00

Yo!

Just came back from 4 days of craziness at the Cultural Activities Club Camp!

Some really crazy things have happened at the camp. Well, basically, 4 of us from Nerdy, namely CK, Bitchy, Hafiy and I joined CAC camp together and we got into the same OG, "MOVE IT", with Edmund as counsellor! We decided to act as if we didn't know each other so that our new OG mates would not feel left out and sian. Acting it out was fun, but when we had to finally reveal the truth to our 2 new OG mates, it was quite a sucky feeling to have lied to them...but I think they've taken it pretty well...I hope.

Well, actually I think one of the reasons why we decided to join this camp was because of the 8 HTC phones that were up for grabs! Before the camp the 4 of us sort of joked that we each take home 1 HTC phone, going away from the camp with half the phones. We weren't far off...We managed to take 3 out of 8! Muahaha! Nerdy and Move It Rocks!

CAC Camp is so different from other camps for me because of 3 reasons. One was the running man! What a crazy game that was! It was so cool cos everyone felt like it was a life-or-death thing to not get caught! And we would shiver everytime we hear the hunter's bells nearby! Haha! I managed to survive the whole game and Hafiy won the MVP award! 1st HTC down :)

Then there were the joint dance classes! I went for Hip hop and Latin dance! It was so cool and fun! And the mass dance, though super hard to learn, was really fun also! And I'm so glad my partner for all the dances was like quite good! And she was one of the Engin Camp pageant contestants somemore! Wah dam honored haha!

Just when I thought the camp couldn't get any crazier for me, Finale Night came. But oops...I need to go out for dinner! HAHA! I shall continue talking about my XOXO adventure later tonight in the next post!

O yea, first vocal class today! So looking forward to it! :)

2011-07-04T00:19:00.000+08:00

Being recently baptised, I have already faced many challenges to my faith within the past month, but in all these things, God has shown himself to be greater than these challenges. I wanted to write a song to capture the feelings of doubt and uncertainty I had faced over this past month and to capture how God can overcome these feelings :)

Will post an acoustic version soon :)

Living my life the way You want

Verse 1:

Living in a different light

I came to find out what is right

Kept telling myself to abandon my ways

Look straight at Your plan for me in future days

But why do I find it so hard to live

Doubting that I could be more than this

Empower me, stay real to me

Chorus:

Trials may come and go

But onto you I’d hold

You’re my life, you’re my purpose

I’ll bring glory to you at every moment

Verse 2:

Troubled times they seem to get me down

But I know I’d get though them somehow

I know in my heart, You’re the Healer of Pain

Look straight at Your plan for me in future days

That’s what I’m longing to do

Because my life has been changed by You

Empower me, stay real to me

Chorus 2:

Trials may come and go

But onto you I’d hold

You’re my life, you’re my purpose

I’ll bring glory to you at every moment

Though others fail

Forever you prevail

You’re my strength, You’re my fortune

Cos now I’m living my life the way you want

Outro:

I’m scared of times I’m far away from you

Let this passion

Burn on brighter, burn on stronger

Burn with a desire to know you better

Cos no one else’s approval could ever satisfy my soul

None like yours

Cos now I’m living my life, the way you want

Back from ESE camp!

2011-06-29T13:58:00.003+08:00

Muahaha! I'm back from ESE Camp! And never would I have thought I would ever say this, but I won best freshie for ESE Camp! HAHAHA! And my OG won best OG! Muahahaha! :D

ESE Camp was a real blast...it was nice to finally get to know and be around people from the same course as me! And I think me and my new ESE friends have gotten off to a really great start! And I rly thank God for that!

Such a joy and blessing to have been in the OG with not only the most enthu people in all of the camp, but also the most power OGL in the camp! hahaha! He rly knew how to get us to be all hyped up and enthu! It was rly so awesome to be the only group who was sporting enough to do so many retarded things and come up with all those retarded cheers! Such an on-siao OG! Haha, so much so that people told me that they knew my OG as the most obviously enthu and crazy OG in the camp!

Even though the camp size was rly small, I thank God for all the people I have met through this camp, and it was rly a lot of them...And I rly thank God for this camp. Hope my new OG can continue to remain as close as my Engin Camp OG still is! :)

Like a ZOMBOSS, like a ZOMBOSS!!!

So breathe in so deep...

2011-06-29T13:55:00.001+08:00

There used to be a time...

2011-06-22T01:52:00.005+08:00

I remember...there used to be a time when you loved me...Keep remembering that girl who loved me so much...she used to write me love notes...used to get really excited when she saw me...used to make me feel so loved...used to be my everything...

I may act like I've gotten it all together, and I thought I had, but the fact is I rly haven't...It's rly gonna take a while before I can rly move on...and I don't know why I can't treat you just as a friend...maybe because I don't know who you are anymore...you're like a stranger to me now...the person I once knew is no longer you...and I grief the loss of that girl, that sweet girl who was always full of love...replaced by someone completely the opposite...I now know who you really are, and how you are really like...it's rly hard to treat you the same anymore...

A part of me wants to kill all the memories I ever had with that girl, cos it just makes me grief the fact that that girl never existed...she was just an image portrayed by who I know now...But another part of me wants to keep these memories, cos they were so so beautiful...

Maybe I should think of the 3 years I spent with you as 2 separate relationships...one with the girl I fell in love with, who truly showed me how much she cared, showed me how to love; one with the girl who I continued to love, but someone completely the opposite, who never cared much about anything beyond herself, yet all along I continued to care and show concern, turning a blind eye to all the coldness and inappreciation, only to have my heart broken at the end of it all, leaving me out in the cold...maybe that's why I can't seem to move on...that 1st relationship never ended, it just transformed suddenly into a second relationship which ended tragically, yet I still wish I was living in that 1st relationship right now...

Any other heart

2011-06-20T12:10:00.000+08:00

Awesome song, mediocre cover...hahaha

Valley Of Lost Dreams (Is it me or was it you?)

2011-06-12T22:08:00.003+08:00

Finally managed to put music to these lyrics...

Oh memories, where'd you go...

2011-06-12T00:07:00.004+08:00

Is It Me Or Was It You
By Jonathan Chow

Just came across this song that I wrote last year, in my only post of 2010...and I can connect with the Jonathan of 1 year ago right now...the feeling of being unloved and uncared for by the one you love...But little did I know then, that it would really plummet down a valley of lost dreams...

Was reading some of my previous posts from 2 years back...not sure why, just felt like it...and it all paints a picture of a boy who was in love with THE ONE...however, that one disappeared, replaced by...well...someone completely different...someone who does not value me by how much I love her, but by how much I can be like that ideal guy...I guess she just got tired of the relationship...I can say all I want over here, but nothing's gonna change this...I just can't help feeling so helpless...can't stop thinking about all these thoughts I've had...can't stop loving the one I love...

But what's different now is that I've got God on my side...I'm not gonna write another emo song about life and how it sucks, I've got to praise God with this talent He has given me...and one day I know I'll get through this...

Can't sing...sad...

2011-06-11T18:31:00.008+08:00

Argh! My voice is now super coarse after all the SHOUTING from engin camp! So I can't sing properly! :(...Even my own ears cannot stand how odd-tune I sound when I sing, that I just have to stop singing...Just hope my voice recovers in time for Monday when I have to lead worship for Youth Camp :S

So since I can't sing, I'm re-watching all the cover videos I did to remind myself of what my singing voice was like before this camp...heheh...and I realised that I haven't uploaded 2 of my later videos to my blog! So here they are!

Over You - Daughtry

Our God - Chris Tomlin

Back from engin camp!

2011-06-11T18:17:00.003+08:00

Engin Camp: What an awesome 4 days!

Made so many new friends! Even though none are in the same course as me, I'm pretty happy to have met them and done so many retarded things with them already!

So at first I was pretty apprehensive about going for Engin Camp...after everything that's happened...I was in a really really foul mood for the majority of the previous week...lost 2kg cos I couldn't eat last week...ate like 3 meals in 4 days...I was pretty pathetic after what happened. I just didn't feel like having any fun at all...But I told myself "what the heck, since you're here, just forget about everything else and enjoy it!"

And then I walked into Engin Camp and for the first time in such a long time, I rediscovered myself again! And forging new friendships with such nice ppl from my OG, really gave me so much more reason to live! Really felt great over the last 4 days! Feels like this is the group of pals I will spend my next 4 years with! :)

Now that Engin Camp's over, I miss all the craziness and enthu-ness of my OG mates and my seniors. I miss NERDY!!! Dunno why but I feel my headache creeping back in again, but I just thank God that it seldom came during camp! Maybe the fun blocked out the headaches :P

But now that all the fun's over, and I'm sitting here in my room, my mind keeps drifting back into the condition it was in before I went to camp...I rly still miss her...I miss being loved by the one I still love...I miss being able to tell her what I did over the last few days...and I know we'd have so much to talk about if we were still together now that I've started my NUS journey...it's just a pity that she doesn't wanna give any of this a chance...

Why am I thinking of all this now?!?! I wish my mind could just stop being so depressed so easily...

I wanna, but I just can't...

2011-06-05T14:39:00.004+08:00

Now that it's all said and done, I can't believe you were the one

To build me up and tear me down, like an old abandoned house

What you said when you left just left me cold and out of breath

I fell too far, was in way too deep, guess I let you get the best of me

Well I never saw it coming, I should've started running a long, long time ago

And I never thought I'd doubt you...

I guess this is where I'm at for now...can't bear to continue...cos if not i'd be telling a lie...

A warning to myself in the future

2011-06-02T13:55:00.005+08:00

Dear Jonathan of the future,

I don't know when you'll be reading through all the posts you've posted on this blog and stumbling upon this again, but I hope you still remember this week in your life. Probably the most horrendous week of your life, starting on the 29th of May.

You only ate 3 meals in the last four days, all lunches. 1 of which was just tom yam instant noodles, another meal consist of only the fish slices out of possibly the most disgusting fish porridge you've ever tasted.

You started having migraines again, despite the fact that you're already on a dosage of amitriptyline everyday. You almost white out everytime you stand.

You'll probably look back on this week and say "What a loser I was back then..."

Maybe I am a loser...but I just hope that you have learnt one major lesson in life from this experience and you'll never have to repeat them again. Let me cut straight to the chase and spell it out for you right now...

Basically, when a girl tells you things like she loves you, that you're the only one for her, that she can't imagine ever spending her life with anyone else, that a guy like you is impossible to find, don't believe it for a single second. Maybe she means it then, but give it time and suddenly all the love you've showered upon her, all the times that you were there for her, all the times when you were so patient with her, all the little things that you tolerate about her, all the times you spent with her, means squat to her. Apparently, these things are just not enough sometimes. Apparently she can not bring herself to tolerate other little things about you. Over time, she'll realise that maybe you're not that 'ideal guy', and then she'll get irritated by the smallest things you do, sometimes out of good-will for her. You fall from being 'the guy who's hard to find' to 'the guy that's messing up her life'. This is only the tip of the ice-berg that 'love' has prepared for you.

You might be in love with someone right now, who seems to be treating you like how you deserved to be treated because of the love you have for her. Everything may seem perfect, you're still very much in love with her, but once she feels like you're not worth it cos you're not the 'ideal guy', no matter how much you've loved her, she'll just throw you away. Suddenly, the things she dislikes about you outweighs the things she likes about you. You may think, "hey, but if I love her so much, I can change for her right?" What if she's NOT willing to let you change? There you go into the list of "i'm just that other ex".

Right after that, the whole escapade leaves a gaping hole in your heart, which might take weeks, even months to heal. After all, you really loved her. She meant almost everything to you. You were probably thinking of spending your life with her. Everything was perfect. And all within the space of 2 months, it all just blows up right in your face. Just like that.

I know I sound like a real loser saying this, but because of this experience, I feel I may never believe in love again.

Hatred

2011-05-30T20:07:00.001+08:00

Why am I filled with this overwhelming sense of hatred and resentment...Please Lord, show me how to be filled with love again...

Unbreakable

2011-05-30T15:57:00.004+08:00

God I want to dream again, take me where I've never been

I wanna go there, this time I'm not scared

Now I am unbreakable, it's unmistakable

No one can touch me, nothing can stop me.

...

2011-05-30T07:56:00.002+08:00

rebeccajoytan Rebecca Tan

omg finally I can go to work in peace now!

Was I rly that much of a burden to you?! It's like you actually feel more happy than sad that this has ended...

Well...

2011-05-30T00:30:00.002+08:00

so it's rly over...

I came home and had to face the pictures and notes on my cupboard, mostly relating to you. I did what I shouldn't have before I threw them out...I read through some of them...

I rmb-ed how much you were still in love with me when we were 19...the book you gave me for valentine's day in 2009 especially...i rmb-ed how I was so happy I teared for the first time in my life...but now I felt the other end of it...the last page was a picture of an old lady with the phrases "I can't wait til I'm old and wrinkly with laugh lines, so that they can see how much you made me laugh all these years..." Guess that won't happen now, at least not cos of me...Then there was a page where you listed the reasons you loved me. I guess that's meaningless now...

There was another card that said "I rly appreciate that you're so patient with me even when I sound so pissed or frustrated. It's rly hard to find someone who's as patient as you." So did you rly mean it? Cos now it feels like that didn't matter...

It's rly hard for me to understand how this relationship that was so perfect for the better part of 3 years can end cos of a small reason like that...but I just have to accept that...

It'll probably take months for me to get over this, you meant so much to me, and to see this much of myself go just like that, it's rly a lot to get over...but like i told you just now, since you've decided there's no chance that you'll reconsider this in future, you'd better not regret your decision...BETTER NOT...

I hope you'll find that person who's "rly hard to find" who suits you exactly...so that at least this pain has been for the better for you. I hope I can say the same for myself, but now that's the least of my worries...just wanna make it through this and stop thinking about wad has happened, about what has changed, about you altogether...

Weird but nice feeling

2011-05-27T00:26:00.003+08:00

Now whenever I watch the videos of myself performing "How Great You Are" after my baptism, it feels rly weird cos I rly dun remember much about how I felt during the performances. I probably was half blanked out! Cos if you were to ask me to sing it in front of church now, or if you had asked me the day before my baptism, I would have said "Absolutely not!!!" But I did somehow, and I rly dun rmb how I felt...it feels weird cos I seemed to be so relaxed and happy to be singing the song!

Then on the other hand, it feels great, cos God was rly in control at that time, and He gave me the strength to be able to glorify His name publicly in front of the church and some friends. It feels once again that He is so near to me, and that the holy spirit was rly speaking and singing from inside of me. That just gives me so much joy whenever I watch the video again. :)

Just some thoughts in my head that I need to offload from my head which thinks too much...

2011-05-23T23:51:00.007+08:00

Yesterday was a pretty awesome day! I have become a child of God, no longer a slave to sin. It feel rly great on one hand, but something else happened yesterday that just brought back everything that I had been trying not to think about to my head again...

I was rly nervous before the baptism ceremony started, I needed someone who understood me to calm me down...I was rly jumpy, and I couldn't rly think properly...so many thoughts about how the ceremony will go were in my head, and i just asked "where should I sit?"...but what I got, instead of a nice smile and an assurance that everything will be fine, was what felt to me like a telling off, like i was some source of irritation to you...it has kept coming back to my head today, not sure why...but my supposedly long fuse is starting to ignite the explosive its attached to...

And when I was sharing my testimony, I was super nervous up there...I kept looking at you, but you were just sitting there with your black face...How I wish this was 1 year ago...or even 6 months ago...I know you would have been so much more happy for me back then...

But I guess after thinking abit more, your reaction abt the things I do should be the least of my worries now...I rly am happy that God's grace has been with me throughout all these years, and that I finally have the Holy Spirit living in me...God, I just ask that you can take all this off my mind right now, so that I can just focus more on living a life for you, for you appreciate me the most, and even though she doesn't appreciate me that much now, help me to continue to love her... :)

3 Words would make a world of difference to me

2011-05-13T00:22:00.000+08:00

The fact that you can't even reply those same 3 words back to me...it tells me alot about how you feel about me and what I mean to you...what the past 3 years meant to you...

It feels like the past 3 years you've been pretending, and you just grew tired of pretending...But I was living a life of a fairytale in the last 3 years, and now I know that fairytales never last...or they never actually existed...

...

2011-05-13T00:11:00.000+08:00

I seriously felt physical pain in my heart after that...like a knife just cut right through my heart...

"The Northern Downpour Sends Its Love"

2011-05-12T23:36:00.000+08:00

Thanks God

2011-05-07T02:25:00.002+08:00

I cried out loud for the first time in a very long time just now...

I prayed out loud, "God, help me...grant me slp"

And He did. I just managed to clock 2 hrs of slp. Better than nothing. Thanks God.

But now I'm suffering from the after effects of all that mindless head-banging on the wall...Shouldn't have done that...

But at least God has helped me to feel abit better, for the time-being...

GARRRR

2011-05-06T22:28:00.002+08:00

I can't do this...Why can't I do this? I thought I'd be stronger than this...Why do I already want her back?

...

2011-05-06T22:11:00.001+08:00

So this is what crying until you've got no more tears left in your eyes feels like...

Leave me alone for awhile...

2011-05-06T21:46:00.005+08:00

It's over, or it's a new beginning. Either way, I just feel rly lost right now.

Just a month ago, everything was perfect, and now, suddenly, its gone. The images of a completely different person that I saw tonight has been imprinted in my memory. The way that person found fault with every single thing I said, the way I was interrogated, the way she made me feel so frustrated, the way she made me feel so unimportant, so humiliated. The way she was so impatient and insensitive. The way she talked to me like I was her sworn enemy. The way she couldn't understand why I wanted to talk about the things we liked about each other. I tried so hard to be patient with this unfamiliar side.

But after everything had passed and the decision was made, I saw that familiar person, but now I know I'll never have her back as anything more than a friend. But it could have been worse.

Ultimately, we both came to see we weren't meant to be. We were better off moving on.

The time and memories we had, I will always treasure. I will try my best to get used to this. It's for the better. You will find the one who will let you choose your preferred type of outfits for him to try, the one who doesn't bite his fingernails, and the one who will be willing to take jump shots with you wherever you please. And I hope you'll be happy.

For me, right now, I don't want anything other than to be alone, and rediscover my true purpose of life. For Christ.

I just wept after looking at some old profile pics of us. Right now, it's rly painful to know I won't take any more of these.

For those who wait...

2011-05-06T00:52:00.001+08:00

"God I'm gonna lean onto you now, I'm letting go of all my fear and doubt

I can't do this on my own so I'll give you control."

Enjoy :)

Well...

2011-05-03T23:51:00.000+08:00

I feel much better...

WARNING: DON'T Highlight....Seriously...It's hard to read for a reason...

2011-05-03T22:10:00.011+08:00

I know I rly shouldn't be typing this...but the blood inside of me is just boiling and finding an escape...It's probably best if you dun read ahead...This contains some stuff I might regret, but right here, right now, I'm just gonna let it all out...

It was our anniversary, and all I wanted was to spend some time with you, have a nice day with you.

What bothered me most about what happened, was that it was our anniversary, and you couldn't even treat me properly. It was our anniversary, and you couldn't spare a thought for how I'd feel after you treated me that way. It was our anniversary, and I was making an effort to change and make it a nice day, but when I asked you if I did anything to piss you off on that day itself, you said no. THEN WHAT THE HELL WAS ALL THAT ABOUT?!?!

And when I asked you what I did to piss you off after we exited UniQlo, you asked me back "Oh, you wanna bring this up now arh?" Like I was the one spoiling the day by asking the question...Wasn't that why you were acting that way? To bring this whole thing back to the surface? It's like me asking you not to highlight this, knowing that there's a chance you will do it anyway and you will read this. So was I supposed to just continue and let you treat me like shit for the rest of our anniversary?

I know we talked, and we're supposed to be waiting until after your exams to talk more, but thinking about what it meant to be treated like that on our anniversary day just makes my blood boil. A part of me wants you not to read this, but a part of me wants you to, so that you know how much you pissed me off...

I just rly needed to write this down somewhere with a slight chance to let you know how I rly feel about that day. I rly do hope everything works out...

I miss the feeling...

2011-05-02T22:33:00.002+08:00

I miss the times,

that the someone who means the world to me loves me,

that the someone cares for me, that the someone understands me,

that the someone enjoys my company, that the someone laughs at my jokes,

that the someone calls me "cute", that the someone smiles at me,

that the someone knows my thoughs, that the someone feels how I feel,

that the someone thinks about what her actions may mean to me,

that the someone hugs me tightly, that the someone kisses me passionately,

that the someone delights in seeing my face.

Now, it feels like there's no THE someone, there's just someone.

I miss THE someone, who meant the world to me.

Let go...

2011-05-02T02:02:00.001+08:00

I feel like I've done enough trying to hold it together. Since it doesn't seem to be working out, I wanna let it all go...

Thought it was over

2011-05-02T01:56:00.001+08:00

I thought it was solved, but clearly it hasn't been
I've tried to change, but you wouldn't forget.
I try to hold it in, but it's exploding in my face.
I'll try to wait, but I may not be here anymore.

Kingdom on High (I will overcome)

2011-04-29T23:26:00.001+08:00

Lyrics are in the previous post :)

Kingdom on High

2011-04-27T22:22:00.003+08:00

On a before-hand side note...this is my 100th post! :)

Onto the main topic, which is gonna be a great way to mark my 100th post milestone. I just wrote my 4th christian song, and this probably my favourite out of the 4 :D

Kingdom on High (I will overcome)

Verse:

When the evil one is in my way

I will overcome, I will overcome

When he strikes me with disaster

I will overcome, I will overcome

For He’s given me his promise

That His angels guard over me

Onto His promise I will cling

To take my place in heaven with Him

Chorus:

I can see Your majesty

As You rise from the throne above all Kings

And all the earth shall bow and sing Your praise

As You listen and pour out Your grace

It’s so amazing, how You could choose us

The unworthy, to share in

Your kingdom on high

Verse 2:

Building up these walls for You my King

I will overcome, I will overcome

Sing this song of praise and worshipping Him

I will overcome I will overcome

As His mercy extends to everyone

Through the act of sending His son

Onto that cross I will cling

To take my place in heaven with Him

Chorus:

I can see Your majesty

As You rise from the throne above all Kings

And all the earth shall bow and sing Your praise

As You listen and pour out Your grace

It’s so amazing, how You could choose us

The unworthy, to share in

Your kingdom on high

Bridge:

For He is the king of all kings and the Lord of all Lords

I will embrace Him, rejoice in Him

Chorus:

I can see Your majesty

As You rise from the throne above all Kings

And all the earth shall bow and sing Your praise

As You listen and pour out Your grace

It’s so amazing, how You could choose us

The unworthy, to share in

Your kingdom on high

Outro:

For He is the King of all Kings and the Lord of all Lords

Your kingdom on high

I will embrace Him, rejoice in Him

Your kingdom on High

You Lift Us Up To Fall, Before Everything You Are

2011-04-23T23:56:00.003+08:00

We're waiting here, waiting for you God

With our hopes and fears we come, empty hands held out...

Easter weekend

2011-04-23T08:36:00.003+08:00

This long weekend is good time for us to be still and remember what He did for all of us on the cross (so that all our sins can be forgiven) and what He did on the third day (so that He is now alive in all of us today).

Still

by Don Moen

Hide me now
Under Your wings
Cover me
Within Your mighty hand

When the oceans rise
And the thunders roar
I Will soar with You
Above the storm
Father You are King
Over the flood
And I will be still
And know You are God

Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know His power
In quietness and trust

When the oceans rise
And the thunders roar
I Will soar with You
Above the storm
Father You are King
Over the flood
And I will be still
And know You are God

Be still and know
That I am God

I am the God
That healeth thee

Nothing

2011-04-16T10:32:00.003+08:00

I'm glad everything's back to normal. Really GLAD. :)

On an unrelated note, I'm really regretting missing The Script's performance in Singapore on 12th April...garrr...so I made a cover video to get my mind of it for awhile...

Uncertainty > Emo

2011-04-10T00:39:00.003+08:00

I'm not rly sure how to go abt doing this 'taking a break thing'...i will certainly miss you during this time, but I no longer want to be an imposition on you in this stressful period of time...so I just hope everything will be back to normal after this...

But at least this feeling of uncertainty is better than worrying over each and every single day for the next month...

...

2011-04-09T10:33:00.004+08:00

If anyone's out there...I'm currently in a state of rly great depression...I'm trying to supress these feelings, but they keep popping up inside of me...and its not helping my migraine...

It feels like a bridge that's old and cracking up...we could either repair it now or just demolish it and move on with our lives...but now I have to wait until a decision is made...in the meantime, I might just break at any point...and the consequences would be disastrous...

Villian

2011-04-09T01:45:00.009+08:00

It no longer feels like love anymore...it feels more like you're fighting a war against me right now...it feels like I've become the villian in your life...like everything I do or say has a negative effect on you...

So if it makes you happy that I stay away, in keeping to my promise for you to stay happy, but against my will, I'll stay away...

2011-04-09T00:49:00.002+08:00

What happened to the times, when I used to be the apple of your eye...

It feels as though this story's into its final chapter, with no happily ever after

Whatever happened to us growing old, together forever?

But now it doesn't seem to be able to last til next month, please let it not be so...

Just a month ago, it never seemed like something of this sort was going to happen...

:'(

2011-04-09T00:10:00.001+08:00

Now its just disappointing to find out that sitting on a swing seat means more to you and can make you happier than spending time with me...

I swear this time i mean it

2011-04-08T19:23:00.001+08:00

Taking time to ask myself...

2011-04-05T18:43:00.013+08:00

I've been spending a lot of time pondering over recent events, and asking myself if all this is what I really want...

Is all this what I really want? If about every 6 months I have to tolerate this nonsense. Whenever the stress kicks in, when caught up in unnecessary competition, I seem to have blended in with everything else that's not important, treated like something that's not important. It might be just now, but what if working life comes? What if marriage comes? What would happen then?

I may be over-reacting in this situation. But well, I've seen enough of what might happen if it were to continue like this that I felt the need to react the way I did. Enough for the possible scenarios of the future to linger annoyingly in my head.

I didn't have to look far. I just needed to look at my home, at the reasons I am here.

The story of my parents.

I don't seem affected by it, I don't seem to show it. But it has had a deep imprint on my life.

It started years ago, their love seemed to have grown tired. I remember my sister sending me an SMS when I was 13 and at a badminton training session, saying that my parents were having a huge argument. Apparantly, it was about my dad not finding a job. My dad just had enough of my mum looking down on him and blew up. I remembered the fear that I had after seeing my sister's msg. Fear for the future, fear for the status of my family.

It seems to have stabilised from arguments to just silence, and my fear turned into ignorance.

My mum takes the master bed room while my dad sleeps in the living room.

My mum is the only one with an actual job. My dad always tries to keep the family together, at the same time he deals in the stock market to earn some money. He still sends my mum to work and picks her up from work. But I've been in that car before. Absolute silence. The atmosphere is overshadowed by the sound of the radio.

In the past, she often complained about him not having a job, saying behind his back about how he's "lazy" and "useless". Now, she doesn't complain anymore, but i can still see that their love is non-existent. My dad does the shopping, drives each of us everywhere without so much as a sigh. But yet, my mum never seems to show him any appreciation. When he offers to help her out in certain situations, I've hardly ever heard a "thank you" from her. Occasionally, when his solutions backfire, she would complain and indirectly point out how incapable he is. I'd be like "give dad a break, he was just trying to help..." But my dad would often ignore her complains, her inappreciation. I've hardly ever seen her support him through his tough times, but he's always there for her for her tough times.

Is this what "love" is supposed to be like?

I look up to my dad a lot. He's gone through so much inappreciation and disapproval from my mum, yet it never seems to bother him. He just continues helping out the family in every way that he can.

My dad offered to drive me to the doctor today cos I'm having a bad headache from thinking so much. He came into my room last night and saw me sleeping in an awkward state, half my body on my chair and the other half on my bed, fatigued from work and from thinking about all this, and he woke me up to sleep properly and took my working clothes to wash for me. Even though I don't show it, I love my dad very much. I only wish I had the courage to tell him that. (A story for another day...)

But I know that I don't want the life he's living right now. I will never be able to do be so patient and tolerant through what he's going through. I don't want to feel unloved by the one whom I've chosen to spend the rest of my life with. I don't want to be treated like an unappreciated helper who only gets negative comments when he screws up, and nothing positive when his assistance makes a difference. Frankly, I'm surprised there weren't more arguments between my parents, mostly thanks to the great deal of restraint from my dad.

I just have a feeling that if it were to keep on going like that, this relationship would become like theirs, a love that's non-existent. Sunday may have been just a few small incidents that happened, but all bad things start small, much like smoking and drugs.

For me, its the small things that matter. I don't like big surprises, big gifts, big treats, big...etc...but the little actions are the ones that tell me how you really feel about me. And if I were to continue being on the receiving end of these irritable responses to my acts of concern, I will eventually break. I won't be like my dad, patiently sitting through it all.

I just want to make it clear, this post is not a sob story about my family. I love my family. I love my mum as well (even though I seem to be blasting her throughout this post). She works hard to support the family. I do wish my parents could be closer than they are today, but that's not the point of this post.

I've seen what could happen if these little things were to carry on, and its not good at all, nothing like what we could be, judging from how happy we were when we were younger, and actually making an effort to love. I just wish we could be like that again...

Baby, I sorely miss the vibrant gleam that's in your eyes...

2011-04-04T10:26:00.004+08:00

This song has EVERYTHING to do with what I'm feeling right now...I will do a cover of it soon, cos you know what they say: You can sing a song best when are able to you feel it...

If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead Yet?

by Mayday Parade

Baby, I sorely miss the vibrant gleam that's in your eyes
I'll write a song about it
And maybe if the melody's just right
I hope tonight it will find you
It will remind you

But what's holding me back is the thought of time we never had
My world's hanging by three words that I can't bear to say

When you hear this chorus
Do you miss the way the world was spinning for us?
Do you hurt the way that I do?
After all this time you leave me broken
This song is every word I left unspoken
When you hear this, girl, I'm hoping that you think of us
That you think of us

Baby, I told myself that I'll be fine but it's a lie
I don't want to talk about it
Memories, oh they cut like knives
Deep inside I'm falling
Baby, catch me if you can

What's holding me back is the thought of time we never had
My world's hanging by three words that I can't bear to say

When you hear this chorus
Do you miss the way the world was spinning for us?
Do you hurt the way that I do?
After all this time you leave me broken
This song is every word I left unspoken
When you hear this, girl, I'm hoping that you think of us

When you hear this chorus
Do you miss the way the world was spinning for us?
Do you hurt the way that I do?
After all this time you leave me broken
This song is every word I left unspoken
When you hear this, girl, I'm hoping that you think of us
That you think of us

Baby, I sorely miss the vibrant gleam that's in your eyes

Vices and Virtues

2011-04-02T08:56:00.006+08:00

I'm currently in love with the new Panic! at the Disco album! Although its very unconventional, it incorporates the best of many genres. Although they are still pretty much a young band, only into their third album, they sound like they've been playing music for 20 years!

Anyways, one of my favourite songs is "memories", a pretty upbeat song with sad lyrics, so Panic! with an ! right? Exactly like in their first album. But this time its not a dark circus theme anymore. None of the other songs are. This song, to me, is about 2 people who fall in love and move too quickly through a relationship, and sooner or later the love just began to die out with the problems that come when they live together.

Well, finally I understand what Panic!'s singing about! HAHA!

ANYWAY, I decided to do an acoustic cover of it. so here it is! Enjoy! :)

FINALLY!

2011-03-21T22:13:00.002+08:00

My first original song on Youtube :)

Decided to raise the key abit from initially written...Feel free to share it with your friends in need and enjoy! :D

Butterflies

2011-03-21T19:44:00.002+08:00

I'm hooked onto this song now...So I decided to cover it! And I already have 5 good comments! The most I've had for any of my other covers! :D

While I hear the angels sing, "Praise be to Your Name"

2011-03-14T23:38:00.010+08:00

This is the third christian song I have written (just finished!). As compared to my previous 2 songs, this one has a bit more pop-rock feel. It sounds a lot like a Hey Monday song, well maybe cos they've been a major part of my musical style as of late. I have previously written a couple of songs which were similar to this, but this is my first time writing christian lyrics to pop-rock stylings.

A bit of background to this song. Just as I did the previous song, it didn't turn out quite as expected when I first set out to write this song. I was heading towards a more prayerful direction then but brain head already pinned rock-ish melodies to some of the lines I had written. My constant dissatisfaction with the way the song was turning out was one of the reasons why it took so long to write, as I was constantly finding new ways to make the song sound that bit nicer and more addictive. Altogether, I think this song has been in the works for about a month and a half...

The goal of this song was always to remind us of that one time in each of our personal walks with God where we faced trouble and we decided to do things our way, and just as things are heading for disaster, God pulls you out of it. The chorus was written as a response to this saving grace of God.

Here are the lyrics...

----------------------------------------------------

Praise Be to Your Name
By Jonathan Chow

Hey! Heeeeey! Ooh-Wooooh-Wooh! (X3)

Verse 1:
It's times like these You make me realise
How my plans do not work out
It's times like these You make me understand
Your plans are better off somehow!

Hey! Heeeeey! Ooh-Wooooh-Wooh! (X3)

Verse 2:

It's times like these I find the going tough

You give me strenth to overcome

It's times like these I feel Your presence

Coming down from heav'n to touch our hearts

Pre-chorus:

Oh Lord will you feel us with your spirit

As You're building this army

Turning lost hearts to seek you everyday!

Chorus:

Lord you opened up my eyes

(And I discovered the power of the truth)

Mould me through these flaming trials

(Into a mighty shield that bears Your name)

Oh Lord, reside here in my heart

I feel the joy of my salvation

While I hear the angels sing

Praise be to Your Name!

Hey! Heeeeey! Ooh-Wooooh-Wooh! (X3)

Verse 3:

It's times like these I feel I'm all alone

But You came and lead the way

It's times like these I feel I've got a friend

A friend who understands and walks with me each step of the way

Chorus:

Lord you opened up my eyes

(And I discovered the power of the truth)

Mould me through these flaming trials

(Into a mighty shield that bears Your name)

Oh Lord, reside here in my heart

I feel the joy of my salvation

While I hear the angels sing

Praise be to Your Name!

Ending:

Oh Lord will you feel us with your spirit

As You're building this army

Turning lost hearts to seek you everyday!

And at the end of it all

When the time has come for me

To leave it all behind

I wanna hear you say, "You ran a good race!"

----------------------------------------------------

Will probably post a video of the song on youtube or a recording or smth soon :)

Thank you Lord

2011-03-11T11:43:00.006+08:00

Dear Lord,

You are all-powerful. You are mighty. You are awesome.

You took a sinner, who just months ago was living a life full of hatred and darkness, filled with vulgarities, filled with a desire to pleasure myself, with no purpose in life, no meaning in life, living only in the moment, going where life takes me to.

Even through this 'lost' period of my life, you blessed me greatly. You blessed me with an amazing girlfriend. You blessed me with amazing friends. You blessed me with a loving family. You maintained my relationships with them, even as I was going through rough times, even as I was giving them a hard time.

Since I broke free from the shadows of darkness in the army, you took my hand, you guided me, gave me a great internship oppurtunity, gave me a new purpose, cleansed me from selfishness, re-focused my life towards your plan.

As I sit here in the office of my uncle's company, with the role that you have blessed me with, and believe me Lord, I feel truly blessed by this oppurtunity, to be able to learn so much about what I've always wanted to do for a living in future, I just ask that you enable me to never lose sight of who I'm living for. Help me to learn the true reason for your leading me into this field and this line of work, and for giving me this passion that I have for doing good for the environment, which is also your beautiful work.

Amen.

Dad, you did it once again...

2011-02-19T20:57:00.003+08:00

Well today, while my dad was driving me to work, he offered to drive me back...but well I thought I would just take the bus home like every other day...

When I had ended work, I realised I had not eaten my dinner...I remembered: Hey, remember that Dad offered to give you a lift home? Since you haven't been talking to him much lately or spent any quality time with him in a long long time, why not when he picks you up, offer to eat dinner out with him?

So I decided to call my dad to pick me up from the pick-up point at the Botany Centre. I was looking forward to finally being able to have a meal with him, one-on-one...until...

I was held up by probably about 5 min at work...and I received a call from him saying he had reached and been waiting for me...

After I had gotten into the car, the first words he said to me were in a frustrated tone, "Jon, next time you are gonna be late, can you give me a call so that I don't need to leave so early? I had to make 5 rounds around the pick-up bay you noe?"

At that instance, I remembered why my first instinct was always not to spend any time with him at all, why I don't want him to pick me up from work, why I don't ever feel like spending any quality time with him...ARE YOU SERIOUSLY KIDDING ME? You pick me up from a long day's work and the first words I get formulate into a lecture about what I should do to not make you wait just 5 freaking minutes? Does it even make sense to call you again to tell you I'll be late so that you don't need to leave early when you've alr left and were on your way?

Everytime I'm spending any time with him, he's basically telling me how to live MY life, nagging me with rationales that don't make any shit sense, telling me the obvious "what you should have done" when things go wrong...The most simple example, his strong will to push me to take Special Sem when basically ALL my friends are advising me not to...

I don't like ppl telling me what to do, or basically being around these ppl, knowing that just around the corner is a lecture on '. I'm about to be 21. Seriously, I don't know how to open my life up to my own dad when I know he's gonna take my life and mould it into whatever shape he wants it to be...

He had managed to turn an oppurtunity for me to open up to him, into a mistake...

That immediately just changed my whole mood...I just didn't feel like even opening my mouth to talk to him anymore...when he eventually asked me if I had eaten dinner, I just replied with a "no". When he asked me if I wanted to go for dinner, I just replied with a "no".

In my mind, I swore to myself and made a pact never to call my dad to send me home from work ever again...

I'm not saying my dad's a bad guy...I do know he means well to me, just that he doesn't understand that certain things he says and does are just done the wrong way...

Just makes me wonder...

2011-02-19T00:44:00.002+08:00

Just makes me wonder, can't that be on another day??? oh well...

Youtube linking with facebook just sucks...

2011-02-17T22:02:00.004+08:00

For awhile now, I've been uploading secret covers to my youtube account...recently I posted a video of one of my covers here so my close friends may view it as well...my youtube account was supposed to be a huge secret...

Until one fine day (yesterday)...someone commented on my video saying that i did well in my cover of "The Ballad of Mona Lisa", and I decided to reply...

Little did I know that my comment would be posted to facebook for everyone to see!!! Garr...I only realised after TGX commented on it...at least he thought it was a good cover :)

Now some ppl know about my secret youtube cover account...oh well...just gotta live with it and let some more ppl see a side of me many don't know about...my musical and vocal side :)

Our Valentine's Day

2011-02-16T21:09:00.005+08:00

Hey all!

Today Becky and I celebrated our own belated 3rd Valentine's Day together! :) Why so late? Cos I'm only on off yesterday and today, and Becky's only free on Wednesdays, so we decided to avoid the mad crowds of couples holding balloons and flowers on Monday and have our own V-day on Wednesday (today) instead! :)

The day started with a swim at my house. Becky started the day pretty tired from slping late (as usual...hehehe) after packing her new cupboard! But as the swim went on she became more awake and active! :)

After the swim, I cooked her Tom Yam instant noodles! And after that we had a small acoustic jamming session in my room! Recorded our own cute lil' version of We The King's "We'll Be A Dream" :)

Then we left for our favourite Tao's! :) Decided to go with the topshell thingy for salad and the rack of lamb for the entree! DELICIOUS STUFF!!!!

Then after that we left to catch a movie at Cathay's, "The King's Speech". The acting was pretty awesome! I just hated the ending, (!!SPOILER ALERT!!) how everyone was happily clapping and congratulating the King just because the King finally managed to read through an entire message...HELLO?!?! Did everyone forget that the message he was reading was in fact a declaration of war with Germany and that after that millions of lives were to be sacrificed and lost, yet everyone was so happy just because the King survived reading a written message out loud?! (SPOILER ENDS)

Well still not a bad movie lah...overall I give it a 6.5/10 haha...

Then after the movie, cos we were still pretty full from a late lunch, we decided to just head on home and skip dinner...so we both rode on the 190 all the way to CCK :)

So I bet you noticed the numerous ":)"s throughout this blog post...why is that so? Well, basically because I'm happy! Happy that over the past 33 months I have been in love with the girl of my dreams...and I'm loving every minute I have with her :)

So here's to many more ":)"s to come :)

Okay, gonna slp now...gonna catch the BIG match at 3.45am tmr! ARSENAL vs Barcelona...

GO ARSENAL!!!!! :)

The Ballad of Mona Lisa

2011-02-15T18:06:00.003+08:00

My cover of the Ballad of Mona Lisa :)

Happy Valentine's Day and Total Defence Day! I'm off to meet BMT friends! Looking forward to meeting them after so long :)

I'm glad everything's fine now :)

2011-02-09T23:47:00.001+08:00

You noe when they say talking is very important in a relationship, they weren't joking...i'm just happy everything's been sorted and thrashed out :)

Physical pain > Emotional Pain

2011-02-08T23:51:00.003+08:00

What have I done??? I've resorted to physical injury to overcome this emotional hurt inside of me...and u noe wad? it's helping :)

Feeling like a real piece of crap...

2011-02-08T22:26:00.004+08:00

I thought things would be pretty smooth-sailing...but its proven not to be...how could something so small upset a whole freaking relationship that has stood strong for such a long time...the worst thing is that I can hardly do any freaking thing about it...

I keep trying to make myself feel better about this whole situation...I thought talking about it would make it better...well its just different now...I can't be angry at you cos it's unfair...I can only be angry at myself and why I didn't see this coming over the years...but what can I do now? WHAT THE HELL CAN I DO NOW?!?!

If we were to continue like this and we can't even share a proper kiss. When everytime you see me and you feel irked...But what can I do now?!

I FEEL LIKE A PIECE OF CRAP...

I really just feel like forgetting all this crap and just moving on...but how can we if its something that bothers you so much...

Heaven help us now, come crashing down...
-Heaven Help Us (MCR)

:/

2011-02-06T23:41:00.006+08:00

I somehow sense that if the path continues this way, eventually, it may be months, it may be years, but we're headed to a dead end...hell i hope its not years, cos it would be pretty painful to find the main road again...

The shorter tempers,
The tone of voice used sometimes,
The reduced appreciation and patience,
The frequent times when I'm cut off repeatedly while trying to finish what I'm trying to say,
The looks of satisfaction which remain unreturned, Or returned with a forced twitch of the lips,
The subtle rejections everytime I'm trying to make things work...
The hints that remain ignored...

Believe me...its the many small little things that speak loudest...things need to change...
Believe me...this is the wrong road...for these signs will amplify if nothing is done...I don't want that to happen with us...
Like an item that has been unwanted for quite a while, soon I might be lost...and never be recovered again...

A new song

2011-01-21T22:23:00.012+08:00

Hello again! I've just finished writing my second Christian song! I've written it over 2 nights! (wed nite and tonite! was dam tired on thurs nite...)

So how did I write this song? I was actually just playing arnd with my guitar with chords and actually came up with a song with some lyrics that sounded more country...but now its evolved into a more prayerful song. From the start, I wanted this song to be abt how God should be the center of our Christian lives, not anything else. Thus early on in the writing of this song, the words "making You the point of my life" stuck in my head, and that is what I wanted to strive towards. Also, in the beginning stages of writing this song, the song started off as a dialogue spoken by a "new"Christian (person A) telling the "old" Christian (person B) how his life has been changed cos of the love shown unto him by person B. I wanted to reflect this as a tribute to all those who have encouraged me through my trying time in the army, where I went through the lowest point in my Christian faith. However, the song evolved to become a prayer to God, as I was thinking, God was actually the one who put these people in my life to bring me back to Him.

So here come the lyrics....

------------------------------------------------------------
The Point of My Life
by Jonathan Chow

Verse 1 & 2:
Dear God, I wanna show them what You've done for me
You took my pain, forgave my sins and I became
A shining light for You bringing hope to those who have none
Just as how You brought hope to me

Dear God, I wanna show them what You did to me
You took my hate, and filled me with Your gracious love
Now I do to others what I'd do to myself
Because of how You showed love to me, You showed love to me!

Chorus:
I'll worship you Lord, through the brightest day and darkest night,
I'll pass on this light, that's brightened up my life
Oh Lord, will you lead me where you want me to go
Cos i'm making you the point of my life

Verse 3:
Dear God, I wanna show them what You did for us,
You took our pain, you took our sins, and you took the blame
And you hung on that cross and now we can all be saved
Because of how You showed love for us, You showed love for us!

Chorus:
I'll worship you Lord, through the brightest day and darkest night,
I'll pass on this light, that's brightened up my life
Oh Lord, will you lead me where you want me to go
Cos i'm making you the point of my life

Bridge:
And when I speak to You Lord,
I wanna hear your voice, revealing your plan for me.
And when I feel your presence,
I wanna have thousands singing with me.

Chorus:
I'll worship you Lord, through the brightest day and darkest night,
I'll pass on this light, that's brightened up my life
Oh Lord, will you lead me where you want me to go
Cos i'm making you the point of my life
-------------------------------------------------------------

I haven't recorded it as of yet but it'll be guitar plucking throughout the whole verse.

And btw, on a sorta related yet unrelated note, I rly wanna thank God for bringing me through today. All throughout yesterday, whilst knowing that my colleague will be on off today, and after he was basically vomitting out my list of things to do the next day as though he had food poisoning, I was dreading today, all the way up to the point I was walking into my office today and I remembered my first song! If God is for us, tell me, who can be against us! And I felt so much better after that! Yay! My song is already starting to save lives! (exaggerate sia, save your day only what...)

Well if you wanna know, my busy day actually went on really smoothly! Praise the Lord! :)

Ok, gotta go! Hanlin's buying new guitar tmr --> Band under construction! :)

Oh Lord, how great you are

2011-01-13T17:23:00.011+08:00

Hello, long time no see blog...since I'm on off today and got nothing to do, I'm gonna post about a song I've written.

So a brief intro to how this song has come to be...

It's taken me about 2 weeks to write this song...I was sitting around at home the previous weekend (I think it was 1 Jan) and thinking, what's gonna happen to me this year...i'm fresh outta army, i'm starting my first job, going to uni, pretty much a year of lots of uncertainties.

Since coming out of army, I've pretty much told myself that I'm gonna recommit my life to God, after these past 2 '(spiritually) lost' years of my life...And while I was thinking through all these, i was singing christian songs to myself and thinking about how I've been so hyped about music lately and been trying to write or make emo songs about life and how its treating me...

It's been no secret of late that I've found a huge interest in music and been picking up on it pretty quickly...I picked up the bass after A's in Dec 08 and 2 years on I'm playing songs like Hysteria from Muse...a year later, in Dec 09, I picked up the guitar and a year on I'm playing songs like One Last Breath from Creed...

With all this in mind, it became apparent to me that my love for music is a gift from God...music is what I love and what I keep trying to improve on...it's the tool I find most useful in expressing myself...So I'm gonna dedicate this gift back to God...Writing songs for his glory...playing songs that would aid in turning hearts towards Him...

I began to write a song about how this situation has affected my life...about how my life used to be about 'me and how I was gonna get through life', when it's supposed to be about 'God and how His plan will be executed'...With the guitar in hand, I started strumming chords, writing the chord arrangements down, strumming them over and over again and trying to figure the words to fit in. Today (my off day :D), I've finally managed to finish writing and record a full acoustic version of the song.

The lyrics are as follows...

-------------------------------------------
How Great You Are
By Jonathan Chow

I was walking alone, on my own
Through life, I made choices I regret
Did things I wanted, did things that hurt You
But yet You still called me

Life had no meaning until I could see Your face
And now I'll run with Your grace.

It's not about how small we are,
But it's about how great You are
Oh God, How great You are!
Lord, I don't care if I am weak,
Because with You, I can rise to my feet
And proclaim, How great You are!

Now when I face persecutions, I can't take
I turn to You, and it is all good
I want to know You, see Your plan be fulfilled
I want to serve You Lord

Life had no meaning until I could see Your face
And now I'll run with Your grace

It's not about how small we are,
But it's about how great You are
Oh God, How great You are!
Lord, I don't care if I am weak,
Because with You, I can rise to my feet
And proclaim, How great You are!

If God is for us, tell me, who can be against us? (x4)

----------------------------------------------

Maybe when my plan to form a Christian band with Becky, Jolene, Moses and Hanlin materializes we can start recording a full band version.

So I guess from now on, this blog would be more of a song blog. I'll try to update this blog as long as i've written a new song so that they won't be forgotten and pushed deep into the back of my head for until the brain cells in which they are stored in die out (as have many other songs I've written).

Well see ya! God bless :)

Is it me or was it you?

2010-07-30T21:38:00.008+08:00

Is It Me Or Was It You
By Jonathan Chow

As I wait here in the loneliness, waiting here for you,
My senses picking it all up the same.
I sit in hope, what seems to you like oblivion
And my thoughts, they start to tell me a story, a story of you.

It might be I've gone astray, but it might be you did first
It might be I can't understand, but it might be you can't too

Is this all plumetting down a valley of lost dreams

I'm shattered by this, oh, I wanna let it all go
But I can't, keep holding on to something that might not be there anymore
A couple with a lone soul, a dream without a hope
Where did this all go? Is it me or was it you?

The story tells of a girl and a guy and a not so happy ending
Maybe if we'd stayed closer, it wouldn't be so tragic
I'd bet we could turn this ship around, if only you could come back on
But it seems you're having fun in the water, swimming to nowhere

It might be we're not there yet, but it might be we are
It might be we're still okay, but it might be we're heading down this...

Is this all plumetting down a valley of lost dreams

I'm shattered by this, oh, I wanna let it all go
But I can't, keep holding on to something that might not be there anymore
A couple with a lone soul, a dream without a hope
Where did this all go? Is it me or was it you?

Is this all plumetting down a valley of lost dreams
Lost dreams of great things that really looked like they were meant to be, but
Now I find myself, asking myself, is this gonna become
Was this ever going to be right...

Well Hello again...and as usual, not good news...just emo shit happening now...

Well, I'm betting no one reads this blog anymore...for a time being, the background was screwed and stuff...but somehow it's back again...hooray...

This is a song that I just wrote. The first song I ever wrote...actually not really, wrote a few more secret songs in my time, just lost and forgot most of their lyrics...still trying to figure out a tune to this though, pretty much heading toward a mixture of post-hardcore and punk. Well, the lyrics were really written sincerely as I reflect on the current situation I'm facing...Maybe when I can get this song together I'll post a video on youtube...well, maybe when I'm happier...

hello again...

2009-10-24T19:26:00.002+08:00

Haha hello I guess...

Nope nothing's rly going on...just felt like checking back cos i'm rather bored...and wow my last post was rly super emo sia! haha! i think i'm good at this...i should go write like emo stories or songs or smth hehe!

Nah...everything's great now! no worries no anything...just blaaaaaaaaaank...blank blank blank blank blank blank blank (sing this in a weird melody)...haha...so goodbye til i next feel emo or bored...

:)